I just got back from an ass-kickin’ adventure. And by ass-kickin’, I mean… it was my ass that got kicked.
It was tough and challenging, physically and emotionally. And it turns out that I can suffer physically, but the emotional toll is much greater.
I had a partner, the whole reason I went on the trip, because he said he had a plan and I was so ready to not go alone (see: whole life goal of not being single). I wasn’t looking for it to be romantic, at all, but more just to not have to make every. single. decision. on my own.
(Side note: sometimes I think that I just want to be in a relationship so I don’t have to make every decision of my life on my own. Is that wrong?)
In any case, let’s just cut to the chase. He didn’t have a plan. He sucked. And I could tell you about all the gazillion ways that he sucked, but that actually wasn’t the important part. The important part was that I was ready to deal with it – just so I didn’t have to be alone.
Yes, folks, you read that right.
I was motherfucking ready to deal with his suckage so I didn’t have to be alone.
(yes, we can all pause to collectively say… WTF?!)
Anyway… I did cut my trip short to shorten the suckage, but still, I was committed to trying, in any way possible, to make it work.
And then he quit.
The motherfucker quit.
So, then I was alone.
And it turned out to be the best thing possible. I had a great rest of the trip – albeit challenging, but I met great people, my guardian angels swooped in, I met a man I fell for in an evening, and I learned.
I learned that I have a tendency to stay, to try to make things work. (goddamn it, if only I can make this work, I will try through grit and determination and hard work. goddamn it I will make it work!) And I try to stay.
But when I leave situations that aren’t feeding my soul, aren’t serving my needs… holy shitballs, there is a whole world of greatness waiting out there.
Turns out, I just need the courage to step away from the situation that seems like it is what I need, but isn’t really, and instead, I will find just what I need.
p.s. when I wrote the title I accidentally wrote ‘lessons learning’ instead of ‘lessons learned’. ha. sort of….