Fight or flight

He was nice, nice enough. But just not that interesting. He didn’t talk of passions, but maybe I didn’t ask. Or I didn’t draw it out. Or he was holding back. Or he has them but is shy. I don’t know, I didn’t find out.

I didn’t have enough data, really, to find out if he was interesting or not. But, he was nice. And that’s something, right?

So, I agreed to a second date, even though my gut wasn’t feeling it.

Because, clearly, I have some vulnerability problems challenges.

Because, clearly, I need to work on being open to possibility.

Because, it’s becoming abundantly clear that I’m the common denominator in my realities.

I want to be open. I want a relationship, a partner, to experience that level of vulnerability and honesty and sharing and love.

And… it scares the shit out of me.

So, I say to myself, I try to convince myself that, ‘I am fighting that fear with every ounce of my being’.

And at the same time, I don’t want to go on a second date with this guy who I don’t feel all that attracted to or that excited by. Is it fear or is there really no connection between us?

Turns out, I don’t get to find out how a second date will go, as with the weather, our date couldn’t happen, and then our schedules don’t match up for awhile and then, well, it just seems like there isn’t much there. I didn’t fight for it, though, neither did he.

So, we go our separate ways.

I got what I wanted, didn’t I? No second date that I wasn’t all that into. But, at the same time, it sure begs the question, how much am I really fighting that fear?

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4 thoughts on “Fight or flight

  1. Aurora! Happy Belated Birthday! And you WILL want a second date with the right guy. I have no doubt about that. And don’t ever question your ability to face your fears. Look at you, putting this all out there in a freakin’ blog! If that isn’t brave, I don’t know what is. And, I don’t think you are holding yourself back from finding a great guy. I think it’s the selection in NYC. Move to a mountain town, hang out on the ski hill for a winter, and I bet you have your pick! Seriously. I hope you are well! I would love to catch up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re sweet! And thanks… though, it doesn’t feel all that scary putting it on the blog – only a handful of readers! 🙂 And super supportive people, like you!
      Let’s catch up soon! xo

      Like

  2. All I want to say for now is that I want to read this blog every night before I go to bed!!!! I hope you get to write more on 2016. I love you for being strong and tender, courageous and fragile, for being so honest with yourself and for writing so beautifully! Thank you for sharing this with me.

    Liked by 1 person

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