He was nice, nice enough. But just not that interesting. He didn’t talk of passions, but maybe I didn’t ask. Or I didn’t draw it out. Or he was holding back. Or he has them but is shy. I don’t know, I didn’t find out.
I didn’t have enough data, really, to find out if he was interesting or not. But, he was nice. And that’s something, right?
So, I agreed to a second date, even though my gut wasn’t feeling it.
Because, clearly, I have some vulnerability
Because, clearly, I need to work on being open to possibility.
Because, it’s becoming abundantly clear that I’m the common denominator in my realities.
I want to be open. I want a relationship, a partner, to experience that level of vulnerability and honesty and sharing and love.
And… it scares the shit out of me.
So, I say to myself, I try to convince myself that, ‘I am fighting that fear with every ounce of my being’.
And at the same time, I don’t want to go on a second date with this guy who I don’t feel all that attracted to or that excited by. Is it fear or is there really no connection between us?
Turns out, I don’t get to find out how a second date will go, as with the weather, our date couldn’t happen, and then our schedules don’t match up for awhile and then, well, it just seems like there isn’t much there. I didn’t fight for it, though, neither did he.
So, we go our separate ways.
I got what I wanted, didn’t I? No second date that I wasn’t all that into. But, at the same time, it sure begs the question, how much am I really fighting that fear?