39.99

I spent the last few years of my 30’s anticipating 40. Waiting for it, wondering what it would be like, where I would be at. Instead of saying “I’m 39′, I would respond to questions about my age “I’m almost 40”.

Defiant, almost. Yeah, I’m almost 40 – what of it?!

Did I do the same thing at 30? Hard to remember.

So, why is 40 such a big deal?!

Babies.

It’s all about the babies.

I was thinking about what it means to be in your late 30’s recently.  You get hit on by men who are anywhere from 25-60 (#truestory). Staying in to read because that’s what you want to do is pretty much awesome (and all sorts of listening-to-yourself-ness).  Aaaannnnnndddd….. all conversations with your other late 30’s/40’s friends turns to babies at some point.

From wanting to or not, to how (IVF? adopt? biological? natural?), partner, or not….  the questions are endless, as is the conversation.  Because, really, until a decision is made, well, does it really matter?

I’ve never really felt one way or another about having a baby.  Maybe it would be cool to have one with a partner.  Definitely don’t want one on my own. But through it all, 40 felt like the line in the sand.

And before you go all ‘but women have babies at 41’ and ‘I know this woman at work who had a baby at 42’, yes yes yes — all true.

But the risk is higher. For the woman, and the baby (and that’s not even taking into account old swimmers from an older papa!).

It’s something that women are suppose to want, and I’ve never felt strongly about it one way or another.

But, I do feel strongly about biking through South America, and traveling through South East Asia, living in a container house, traveling/living by van, climbing mountains.

Is that selfish of me? To want to create the life I want?


I turn 40 tomorrow.  I don’t have a partner, I still haven’t decided if I want a kid. But, I do know that I am creating a life that I feel really excited by and fills me with great joy. I am joyful about the friends in my life, the work that I am doing and the adventures that I have planned this upcoming year (and in the future). My life (and lifestyle) serves my soul, my heart and my body.

It doesn’t have everything I want all the time (a man, mountains, fresh powder, a dog) – but it has enough of enough to keep me laughing and smiling and happy.

While, perhaps the decision to have a kid is becoming a non-issue, choosing to own my life is a gift I am thrilled to be giving myself tomorrow.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “39.99

  1. Happy birthday fellow cap!!! I hear ya sister! I don’t have the desire to have children either, but I have desires for many other things. Life is so precious. I applaud you for living it to the full. Much love, laughter and peace, Sarah xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Selfish? No. Absolutely not. Self assured, yes. Plus, people like me rely on you for stories of your adventures and to be a great auntie to our baby. So, please be fulfilled and enjoy the life you like because I selfishly want to hear all about it. Always will. Happy 40th dear friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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