I have a lot of courage.
I have brain courage, and get-on-a-plane-by-myself courage. Trekking-courage, and solo-trip-courage. I have going-out-to-a-bar-alone courage and ski-courage. I have mountain-courage and night-courage and trail-running-courage. I have work courage for days.
But, I don’t have heart courage. I don’t have I-am-worthy courage.
At least, not yet.
I am afraid when I don’t get a text back.
I am nervous when I think I have said the wrong thing.
I don’t trust that I am worthy of the enough – whether a date or a call back or…. whatever.
I don’t believe that if he doesn’t call back, it’s about different needs, not about me failing, or not being enough.
Yet. I am not there yet.
I mean, rationally i get all that. Rationally, I know that none of that is true. If a friend came to me and told me all that – I would tell her how ridiculous she was and tell her all the ways that she is amazing and wonderful and fantastic and a shining bright light of a gift to the world.
But somehow…. I forget to tell myself that.
So…. onwards. Onwards to find that heart courage.
To treat myself like my own best friend. And to be my own bright shining light.