Being blown off – and being glad for it

Ryan was in one of my trainings – clearly too young for me. Oh, and he worked with one of my organizations, so…. probably should be off limits. Oh yeah, professional boundaries and all. But, you can’t deny the fact that we couldn’t stop smiling at each other and joking around together. Right – but just friendly….  right.

We hung out one time last fall, and that was a funny night. He came with two other people from the organization – there was flirting, dancing, and drinks. There was something there, but one of our mutual friends cock-blocked (wait, can you say that if it is a female who blocks?! how do these things work?!) – and nothing happened. I heard from him a few weeks (nah, maybe a few months….) later saying – eh, don’t like to make my private life public like that – let’s hang out just the two of us.

Ok, I’m game (because, why not? I’m single, take opportunities, you never know and all that shit). So, we try to hang out – but one reason or another it never works out. After a few miscommunications and a few weeks – I text saying – hey what’s up?! (ok, full disclosure, there was a work event in between that might have involved some drunk kissing with a colleague – AND – some of his colleagues might have been there and might have told him – but…. you know, these things happen). In any case – he writes back – oh, I’m actually seeing someone now.

Ok.  Cool. We’re all good Ryan. Seriously. You were honest, it wasn’t happening, no worries.  And, oh yeah – there was still that professional boundary thing.

Fast forward almost a year…. and an email appears in my inbox. ‘Hey, it’s Ryan.  I don’t work for… anymore.  Let’s get together!’ Professional boundary problem solved. He’s taking initiative. I am still single. Why not?

[says the girl who seems to not be able to learn from the past]

We try to make plans. Plans get canceled. Emails somehow disappear and not responded to. We don’t hang out.

In fact, a month later… I am not sure what happened. Plans got canceled and no other steps were made. I think I was blown off.

But I am not sure I care.

In the past, I think that I would have cared that I got blown off. I would take it personally and be hurt by it. But Ryan helped me remember that I want someone to take initiative. I want him to man up and ask me out and follow through.

So, through every failed date…. a new learning, a new grounding in what it is I really want.

[though I will gladly take a non-fail date]

 

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